I’m freaking lost today. I was lost last night but yeah…woke up lost today too. Not real surprising if you ask me. I don’t really know what I’m doing today. Maybe go with my moms to my brother’s house…maybe go to my uncle’s for dinner…either way, it’s all empty for me. Going through the proverbial motions of it all. The holiday blahs. Blah.

Merry Christmas Kristina. I know this wasn’t exactly the way either one of us envisioned spending the holidays together. I wish I was there instead of here on chat with you. I wish I was there when you turned around and saw your brother instead. I know ranting and venting isn’t going to change anything but I need to dump and get it out. I wish I was there to hand you your present instead of having to mail it. And I didn’t even mail it out in time either

We’re going to spend the rest of our Christmases together…I know that. I believe that, it’s just the now is still hard to get through sometimes. Just feel lost…like today…like last night…like on Thanksgiving…like when I was standing at the airport parking lot watching you drive away…and like I’ll feel next Wednesday on New Years Eve. I know it’s inevitable to feel lost, I know that that’s how it is when you’re in love and quite a distance away from your heart…I know that’s how it is when circumstances are out of your control and you have to go with the flow but it still sucks.

Next Christmas we’ll be together. Next year we’ll have our own little Charlie Brown Christmas tree with all our presents and cams presents underneath it…sending other people virtual gifts and greetings instead of to each other. Next year we’ll be sitting and enjoying each other’s company telling our friends stories of how we had to chat on Christmas 2008 because we were so far away. We’ll be looking back at this and be very thankful for being together in 2009. I can’t wait for that day…because I really don’t want anymore days like today. 

Aaliyah – “One In A Million”